When and Why I Don't "Cat Call"

Before I start, and I say it again later in the post, I want to say I am sorry. I am truly, truly sorry if I have ever given a complement or said something to a woman thinking it was going to be nice and kind and was not taken in the positive light I had intended and was felt as harassment. I do not know if this has ever happened, but if it ever has, I am truly sorry.

Well, there has been a video making a lot of rounds lately and overall I'd say a very interesting video. It's creating a lot of conversation. A lot of people seem offended, a lot of people seem to love it, and support it, and a lot of people seem to not care...but it definitely has made me think a lot about myself and how I act which, for better or for worse, is exactly what the video wanted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

That's the video.

I never understood "cat calling." It never made sense to me. You whistle at a random girl on the street you think is attractive in hopes for...what? That she suddenly turns to you and says "oh my! I've been walking down this street for hours just hoping, HOPING someone will whistle at me, and now that someone has, I can finally be at rest, thank you! Thank you!!" ...or probably more along the lines of "Oh? You find me attractive? Well, let's have sex!"

But what does make sense to me is giving random people, out of the blue, complements. I like doing that for the sake of being nice and giving someone a complement. I like to make people feel good. And when I do there isn't an intention for it to go further than just the act of giving the complement. I think that lacks in this world. Random acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, and complements. And yes, I like doing it towards girls (not JUST girls though) mostly 'cause I am probably going to be more perceptive of them 'cause my eyes are drawn to them more 'cause I am more attracted to women than men. So, honestly, I felt a little offended by the video...like the video was attacking me and saying how I am and my attempts to be a good person are bad and wrong...

So, I thought about it...a lot...

And then I realized the video isn't saying that. The video is about street harassment. It's about making people aware that the "cat calling" and other things are not harmless in an effort to get them to stop. This woman is walking through New York, not necessarily looking pissed off, but she is definitely not making eye contact and is being very standoffish (huh, I guess that really is a word...). And that is why I wouldn't even say "hi" to her if I came across her in that video.

She is very pretty. She has a very nice smile and seems nice. In the YouTube description you can find her acting page : http://shoshanabroberts.wix.com/shoshanabroberts ...yes, she's an actress. No, I don't think that diminishes the video at all...but don't worry people, if anyone got outta hand during the video, she's a black belt ;)

But despite finding her attractive, there is nothing that is drawing me into her that would make me think it's okay to give her any sort of complement (or even talk to her or introduce myself). She's not making eye-contact, she's not saying anything to me, she's walking with a purpose away from people, it's very obvious that she does NOT want to be talked to, I don't know her, and she's not wearing any sort of clothing that coincides with an interest of mine (i.e. wearing a Jurassic Park shirt, or a hockey jersey, or a oneworldoneocean.com shirt, or a Ducks hat etc...or an awesome Star Wars shirt that show's a picture of Han Solo saying "I know...") None of this is happening in this video. There is apparently an American Eagle logo on her butt...but, I'm not really a fan of American Eagle...

Now if she did make eye-contact with me...I'd probably smile. If she smiles back, maybe I'd say hi. If she says hi then I would say it's okay to continue talking to her. And if she says bye...she says bye. Conversation ended. Or I could say bye first...which would also end the conversation. If she is wearing some clothing that coincides with an interest of mine, I'll probably say something like "Ahhh awesome hat/shirt!" or "Go Ducks!! :D " and just leave it at that and walk away. I'm not saying by wearing that I feel like they are allowing me to say something or that she is obligated to respond in kind, but if someone is wearing something of interest to me that excites me, male or female, I will want to share, even for a brief moment, that connection with the person about our shared interest. If they don't, and they don't react or respond, that's fine too.

(I'll be honest, I will randomly on the street complement other men's beards even without eye-contact...or mustaches...but I do feel like we just already have an unspoken bond and understanding...)

And if I were to want to want to give her some sort of compliment of "your eyes are beautiful" or "you have a very warm smile" (both of which are very true for this girl) it would always start with an "excuse me" or something...and even if after "excuse me" she ignores, then whatever. That's fine. It's completely in her right. I don't think she NEEDS the complement, I don't think she is looking for one.

But I don't want to, even after watching this video, feel like that I can't nor am allowed to still try and talk to people on a public street. Or that my genuine attempts at random complements should stop. I think people just need to read the situation. Read the body language from the people around them and stop being so oblivious of what is going on outside of their own mind.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm sure I've given a complement to a girl before, thinking it was a good situation and it wasn't. And for those times, I'm sorry. I truly am. I'm sorry I'm not perfect (but I'm working on it...). But I am not sorry for all the times that I have and it hasn't been misunderstood. And it did make them feel good and there was no misinterpretation of the intentions or situation.

So, I wont stop doing it (in the right scenario/reading the situation of course). It's in my nature, I want to be a nice person and I think this world doesn't need less people being friendly and genuinely nice for the sake of being kind...it needs more. Love, guys. The world just needs more genuine love.

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I'll be honest...I really wanted to go on a whole rant about how annoying it is that so many people are being judgmental with the "not so obviously creepy" things like "God bless" or "have a nice a day." But honestly, think about it. Someone she does not know starts talking to her on the street, not in any sort of sexual way. She needs to make a decision quickly about how to react. The ONLY way to do that is to make a judgmental call. She HAS to judge. There's no way around it. It has to be based off of surroundings, mood, and the person. How the person says it, when, where etc...all these come into account.

Some judge too quickly, others blindly just go with what is "likely" , some maybe judge too slowly, and some will engage and ask to be left alone or whatever and some wont...but honestly if there is any ounce of any possible intention in the person talking to her, anywhere in their mind of something like "ooohh this could result in me hooking up" ...it radiates off of you. It's obvious. It can be seen and felt.

Following Blindly

Time for a new one...

Lately I've been having a lot of doubts and a lot of frustrations with understanding God and trying to stay positive about things and believing that God truly IS Good. A lot of arguments come up in my prayers, some of which result in the words "The world could be better, but You choose to let it be as terrible as it is. The Universe isn't as good as it can be. You seem to want us to be pain and almost encourage it and desire it for a dependency on You! You don't listen, nor do You care to do, You're gonna do whatever it is You want to do!" (which of course is funny when you look at my last post about how that all works lol) so it's clearly more complicated ... but I don't need to get far into that...that's not the point of the post...

In the darker moments have even resided in a very strong doubt to even the existence of God and that all could be just a big coincidence. And if He does, why would anyone want to keep living in such a painful world when after death, you can be WITH God. But as I keep trying to pray through these frustrations, I recently came to the possibility that I'm not doing as much as I can to really listen to God. Am I missing a message? A path? An opportunity? Maybe? Maybe not. But I've decided to make sure I am actually paying my dues, doing what I can...

So I've decided to stop my hesitations with things in my life. I want to truly wake up with giving God a real, genuine chance to lead me where He wants me to be. If He IS so good, that blindly following Him should be the right path, right? Well...now I want to actually see if this is true. We all get compelled one way or another towards an action and a thought and sometimes are too scared or confused to act. That won't be what I do anymore...and I want to document it. I want to keep myself accountable to do it and to remember it.

Now of course I am one who over analyzes everything and is hyper-observant and always looking for connections...so of course the positive is I'm going to be trying to see something positive from this, but the negative is I may look at every small thing as a sign...so, hopefully writing it out will help me not get too carried away...

For example this morning, I put on pants. The pants were SUPER damp from the dryer last night, but I knew I wanted to wear pants, so I wore them. But everything felt very uncomfortable and gross...but still got in the car with them...and after a 2-minute argument with God about whether or not this is one of those things I should be taking note of...I turned back home and changed into shorts...and felt sooooo much better!

Now is that thinking too much into it? The time difference could have prevented me from getting into a bad car accident? Who knows. I don't.

But the point is to keep trying to just go with where I feel like God is telling me to. And just stop hesitating and doubting it. And follow. Even if it makes no sense.

God, Guide me.